Found The Fading Light & It Die In My Hands

what a night

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 12:18:07 GMT

So yesterday we went to Lenny's and shit, that was some crazy going. A big ass gallon of E&J mix with the barcadi hurricane that i got... the fake increable hulk lol shit got me ripppedd then we smoke like 1245073409 blunts to the face. Oh man was i high and drunk out of it. I remember the last thing i did was smoke another one with little Eric at the park and then have my sister caught me mad out if it with her friends. I ended up going home mad blasted thanks to her. What a mistake i made lol... My mom was on some shit with me first cuz she saw my eyes mad red and cuz she found out about a summons i got. I Woke up mad early today for 2 reason i couldn't sleep more and the shit worried me... I wonder what is she gonna do today. Can't wait.

There is people who still want me to

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 19:22:06 GMT

Update after all these years. What to say, well 2 days ago we got blasted as aways It has been like 34983442 years and we still doing the same thing (drunk/drugs). So yeah that happen we started play fighting and poor old Alex P. Fell and fucked up his finger with a glass. It's was cool in a way cuz he was so high he didn't feel shit then at the ambulance they were taking pics etc. We also drank at the hospital, snuck him out to drink and the guys stole mad shit lol.

P.s. 2 Months in Jersy? mmmm

Now and Forever

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 06:36:37 GMT

Rupture the chains and pick up your pistol…
Aim at the dying cripple whose head is fracture and legs are detached from his body
Soon you will separate his arms and use it for your own advantage.
Have you ever wonder why solar system has continuous bright stars!?
Maybe if you dig enough and worse than a machines, you might actually hide and try to cover
Yourself from the enchanting lights.
Prepare the C4 and other explosive hidden In your mine and press the detonator to blow up the deep hole of your greed and make sure when is done, you stick to your gold. Run to know that you're not inside or you'll end up crawling and finally understand the meaningful things in life that you haven't value.
I have heard a dozen of voices trapped in a room of empty thoughts and still the silences talks through the facial expression of some. So many baffled head turned to others for answer but soon their
Own eyes betrayed them... Those eyes who claim to see beyond the dark and end up being blind to the daylight.
These story remain untold and soon they will evaporate towards one of the atmosphere's shelf where it will be reserved for while then thrown back at the people again with nature's pouring rain.

November 20 a night that i won't forget

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 06:32:28 GMT

Now i really experienced weed for the first time and to be franklyn i loved it. I had like 28372037 different emotions at the same time but the best of them all was having an orgasm LOL. MaryJane is a slut. Anyhow wooo very relaxing night.

P.s. i wrote this for nigga Lemy
Hope you got home to the light of god. The darkness around us and the desert streets are no good for us. The 2 guys who owned it all with cigs to their mouth and capi to complete the mission. Payphone can not out top our movie and rare shit occur every so often. Good thing I still have the right attire. Remember it still resting on my thighs and the motion it made while I was walking it was very satisfying. It’s wrapped around me legs all the way to the upper level. Now that I found my refuge the munchies hit me. I had those hamburgers that some ppl might call “McChiken” not realizing they were cold it ran down my throat like water. To finish the night I brushed my teeth, showered and log into the electronic world where I expected to meet again with my co-worker.

::sigh::

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 07:50:11 GMT

And what about, times I was there
And what about, dedication I gave
And what about every tear I cried
And what about all the words I said
All these words I put into place
All these details that went unnoticed
What about satisfaction I receive
Do you understand I won’t let you leave

So let's just sleep
So this dream will last forever
So let’s just sleep
It’s the only way we will be together

My feelings will be with you and the worms
And our skin will breed black and red flowers
Your screams for me will be with me forever
And the flies on your corpse will taste sour
Everything will taste sour

It’s the blast from my gun that screams I love you
And your pale body that confirms the empty bottles were telling the truth
When I make our final bed with a shovel
I hope you can tell me how good I look in my last suit

We came so far
All for nothing
Now I’ll show you
I am something
No expression
You have no soul
Now drop those pants
Let’s rock and roll
You and me
We will be
Together forever

New start

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 04:27:07 GMT

I finally got a job at Ricky's!? what are the odds of that. Anyway i worked for 10 hours today, it drained every little piece of energy within me and to make it worse i didn't eat until i got home which was at 8pm from 9am. Yo, girls are stubborns and hard to understand (random but true)psssfffttt.

I am f-cked friend.

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 08:22:44 GMT

If you had a friend that introduce you to a certain person you felt attractive to but you never actually did anything with the person because your friend is interested in her/him and one day you guys hit it off and you don't tell your friend, what would you do? After an elapsing day your feeling for this person grew a little more but now she/he is confuse on whether who should she/he be with? Would you feel guilty and let her go or do something about? Anyhow the dilemma of the day is that and i think i am giving up.

Chaos Legion

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 03:04:55 GMT

Alcohol!! I think I am going to die at a young age, I can feel my liver being torture every time I am drunk and I barf. D.R. was fun a bit unexpected but fun. Now back in NY life seems the same, boring the only thing that makes it exciting is all my close friends all together drinking/partying. I had crush on some chick from DR but she turned out to be a gold-digger. I am in desperate need of a job because I am 18 and I need to move out and I need a car and I need to get away from my crazy parents. Why the f-ck do we have to move to the Bronx? My dad is on crack but I have him figured out. I know he wants us to move because he has like 3 girlfriend and doesn’t want my mom to find out. Poor her, she hasn’t figure it out and I don’t think I’m going to tell her because is none of my business. Anyway there you have it a pointless boring update. Till then.

My dick is bigger than yours.

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 04:38:33 GMT

Okay so i have an open crib every day till 12 still feels like i can't do shit. My dad should loosen up a bit. Anyhow so yeah, I haven't updated in ages mmmm... I really have nothing to say except that i met a lot of cool people when i went to SF, california. It's amazing how different people act when they from other country/states but yet they might view it the same way as you do and by that i mean "differently". I like hearing various of accent, somehow they all sexxy. Tonight i sleep alone, tomorrow i see a show and hopefully Warped tour would be good. I need to get the money soon... mmmm cookies, i am starving can someone do my laundry? Shit i beraly got any clean cloth.

Lasted poem

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 04:00:47 GMT

We only live to believe that we are happy when love arrives into our lives
But we quiet often think of death/suicide once it leaves our side.
Memories could only tell fairy tales of happy endings, if love was to be hidden
Maybe the chase would have been more joyful but we soon found ourselves
Between the thunder and rain... emotionless there we stood. I only hope that this would lead to
A new start but you only aimed for a broken heart. So i have no faith now, look at what you turn me into.
I hate you and I enjoy watching you fall each and every time you try to prevail.
I'm sorry things had to end this way, I'll let you hold my hand and beg for forgiveness
But before you must confide all your sins.

Someway and somehow

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 02:27:07 GMT

Something about rapid sex, crazy wild nights and being sober for 2 weeks. I thought to myself i'll stick with wild sex and nothing else maybe being temporary sober. Yep, yep.

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 19:14:16 GMT

I got high for the first time. It was an amazing feeling. I am officially could be consider an alcoholic since i drink everyday of the week. My dad is going back to the same shit he always gives me about sending me to D.R. and what not. I Probably end up homeless soon... I need a job :(.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 23:43:44 GMT

Between everyone we'had bought at least 8 gallons of liquor during the period of 2 days. It was fun, we got to see party boy and everything. A little drama but nothing serious. Now i am home alone feeling like something is missing and in my mind i wonder what it is, though i know i already have the answer.

You cost what you're worth.

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 04:53:51 GMT

And i thought i was the immature one...

Death Cab For Cuties

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 05:12:19 GMT

You took the wheel and you steered us into the bed. Soon we woke and I walked you home,
And it was pretty clear that it was hardly love.

Give us more

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 04:55:41 GMT

Yeah so this weekend was awesome had sober fun, laugh histerically with the guy specially on friday then got drunk and met up with old friends. Like mike said "It's mad crazy how alcohol and smoke can bring people together".
Anyway straight to the big news. Ha! My birthday is exactly a month from now. I am planning to rent a big room or maybe an apartment a long with my friend Yvett, Melaina and Gabriel and we are all planning to celebrate it the same day (the 29 of april). It's going to be disaster, DXC style. Can't wait.

I am so shy and i am so fly like no other guy!

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 05:34:14 GMT

So generous of me to make deal with Bums. Trying to sell me a metrocard but yet he's missing my change by like 3 dollars, so i just end up giving him the money anyway. If i was to take back the money from every bum i ever share with i'd probably be rich! lol I don't blame them, most likely they going to use it for drugs or alcohol but thats okay with me. It's understandable. I saw my old friends today we watch the ring 2, no i take that back it wasn't really watching all we did was talk about life and eat pizza. Murder she wrote. I am scared of drinking, i can't remember anything from yesterday. I get too emo then all violent and shit. I never use to be this way. It's scary! They told me i chug about half of a bottle of superior and we drank 2 bottle of georgi vodka, i could of seriously gotten intoxicated. Barcadi hit me right on the face a long with Georgi, them nigga o.d. double team on me. No hungover or anything just a bad arguement. Anyway i can't wait to drink and be happy like the old day. It has been forever since i was actually happy. The thing is if i get upset while drinking alcohol just makes it worst same thing if i am depress. I read it in a book! It's fact it utters the emotion to be stronger.

Here's where the train ride ends.
Screaming, "is this your decision?"
We were the best of friends,
I'll go nowhere.

This isn't where,
This isn't where I found you

If you're not with us, you're against us.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 15:48:26 GMT

Yesterday was a little wild. Too much liquor in my system, I woke up drunk today and kept drinking. I got a scared since they almost caught me. The smell was strong (I was drinking 151) not a good thing I kept passing out in every class. I have to stop being a pussy every time I get drunk crying over every little thing that hurts me and later on punching things. My knuckle is all f-ck up and i got a big cut on my hand. Hehehe The PD crew are all light drinker, they got drunk off less then half bottle of Georgi vodka while I drank that shit like nothing. I ended up sleeping with my cloth on! Shit crazy night I tell ya, too bad I was upset at the end while walking home.

P.s. I can’t remember everything that happened. lol the entry below this one i wrote it while drunk (kick ass).

Believe you're just fine.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 05:25:31 GMT

Today I cut class once again to go drink with the PD crew after a long ass while. So it all happen as planned i got drunk then we change of plan specially, Genia showed around. I went home got sober(Shower) then i went to the bus terminal to meet up Samantha which of course she wasn't there, ppl mad at me etc. I just know that an 1hr ago or so i wasn't so happy about what happened. I got hurt, she kept showing me wat she wanted and i felt like i was being lie to because of the fact that she said "Is going to be over between me and him". I got a summon now i gotta go to court or pay the summon. I think i am going with Mike to get the case dismiss cuz after all i wasn't drunk (sarcasm).MY KNUCKLE HURTS!

P.S. She lie to me and i saw her walking with him, I am so hurt, i am so hurt.

A new poem

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 05:38:25 GMT

I was crawling my way up from the deep hole, the filthy dirt cover a large percentage of my body. Slowly my hearts beating drop to a lower speed. My sweat hastily ran out its pore. I couldn't breath. I felt worms eating my back alive and my eyes wondering in the darkness. The depth was abyss; it felt like eternity just started. There was glass scatter everywhere and every time I tried moving they scarred me. And just a instant away from my demise, I saw a hand pull me out a stagnant water. It was a soft, gentle and fragile hand. It felt like an angel almost. I fell into a sphere of love with the particular hand but never got to discern its face. When I gazed up at the sky, it kept fading, the hand that save my life was leaving me and I could see her body but I can’t distinguish her face. I could have sworn it was beautiful but she just hiding. She made a gesture, it looked as if she blew me a kiss then she vanished, leaving me cold surrounded by nature. I could never forget my affection for her but I can also never overlook how she left me unaided neither.

It's hard to explain when words don't come out

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 05:06:22 GMT

We say things we don’t mean and we act like we don’t care but deep inside we both know what we truly feel. It’s like you don’t want to say it directly to the person but in your writing, in your thoughts it sort of always draw the words we want to express of how we’re feeling at the moment.
I’m looking at things my way so far and I am trying hard enough to figure out what’s happening. Don’t you always get the feeling that you want to say something beyond beautiful to a person but you can never find the perfect word because you’re too afraid it won’t be good enough? Well, I feel like that occasionally. I wonder if I could ever tell her “so if you’re lonely you know I am here waiting for you.” Although I already felt like it has being said. Darn it I am so weak… Need to be strong, we all have to be at some point. There's more then what meets the eye.

My regret is the world i create

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 19:02:57 GMT

I like the rush i get when a fight is about to start. I like the feeling of getting hit in a pit and hitting back. It's adreneline to my blood, I like punching things to let out my anger but i never hit a girl intensionly and never will. The thing about me is I can't control myself and sometime it feels as if i am doing things on purpose which i am not. I never back down from a fight unless i had to, i am suspose to set a example. I say things i don't mean to people sometimes to make them feel better but who am I to blame if is not other then myself and my feelings, it's a puzzle with broken pieces. I can be an asshole and not regret it. I have multiple personality and each day i wear a different face. Until someone came a long and discover who i truely am. She was able to get rid of my mask and paint her perfect picture in my head. Now i am here searching for my mask. If i wore i mask, i could fool the world. You can easily judge me by the way i am but if only knew me deep enough, you would understand the way i am.

Anyway i am still sore from the show, damn it i tried playing hockey (My school is crazy) and i couldn't even walk.

Random/quotes
"If you love something you must set it free, if it comes back to you it was always yours, if it doesn't it never belong to you."

Boston beat down

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 21:45:49 GMT

Awesom show yesterday in boston. A lot cool people and a hell of good pit.

What the hell!?

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 06:25:10 GMT

I don't know what to say about tonight. First the practice then me getting Jelous over Sam kissing the guy I hate. I punched the guy on the face, the cops, the rush. OMG I got almost arrested. Then back to Washington Heights. DXC kicked the shit out of Flippy's friends/family and the funny thing is that i never asked any of them to do so. I was being o.d. emo, i can't denied it but they just went for it. I mean i would of done the same cuz thats like my family. So yeah that happened I mistakenly hit Sam when i was pitting but i swear i never meant to do so and she scratch the shit out of my face. I just stood back and let her do as she please. Near my right eyes i got a scratch, my left eye is all red and shit. My shoulder has a big ass cut so does my cheeks, my knuckles are all swollen and bruise, my neck OMG so many shit and i still feel bad just for cutting her arm.

P.s. I never meant for any of this to happened. All i wanted is to feel her lip one more time.

"What you talking about, willis"

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 05:10:05 GMT

Whoa i totally lost it. Flip out, spazzed out called it as you feel then slowly i took breath, washed my face and calmed down. For split second i didn't give a f-ck and now i don't know what's going to happen.

It's hard to stop drinking when you know it's the only thing that helps ease the pain.